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I’m originally from a small town called Langholm in the Borders, but I now live in Carlisle. I had worked supporting people for 12 years, but I fancied a change, so I moved into office work when I was pregnant with my first child.
I used to love swimming and would sometimes go twice a day. It was the thing that really helped my mental health, and I continued swimming throughout my pregnancy with Gabriella, too. I also loved going out for walks and taking photos.
Pregnancy with Gabriella
Our son was so excited to become a big brother. He would cuddle and kiss my belly every day. He was made to be a sibling.
I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mum, so I was at home during my pregnancy with Gabriella. She came a month after a chemical pregnancy, so I was really anxious about allowing myself to be happy, and I worried a lot.
My pregnancy was tough but amazing all at the same time.
With Gabriella, I had a posterior placenta, and I felt her little flutters at 12 weeks, which made me think I was going crazy! My first pregnancy had involved an anterior placenta, so it was lovely to feel her movements so often. She would kick with such force, and I always said, “She just wants to be here.” That turned out to be so true, as she fought to stay, too.
Unfortunately, I developed gestational diabetes during Gabriella’s pregnancy, which was quite stressful. Her growth charts were always perfect, and her measurements were where they should be.
I was also on anti-sickness medication throughout my pregnancy, so I struggled to do much, especially while looking after our son.
Because of the gestational diabetes, I was advised that a C-section was the best option. I have PCOS, so I never thought I would be able to have one baby, let alone more. Because of that, I was so anxious about losing her.
My husband, Kingsley, was studying and working at the time, but he came to all her scan appointments. He was so excited to have a little girl, his “darling girl”.
The week before my scheduled C-section, I became really unwell and couldn’t keep anything down. The pain was terrible, so I ended up being admitted to hospital. They thought it was my gallbladder. As Gabriella was due so soon, they agreed to bring her delivery date forward.
I was so worried about not being able to eat or drink and about whether she was getting the nutrients she needed. They were giving me a lot of medication to help with the sickness and pain, and I worried about that, too. I just wanted her here, where I could keep her safe.
This is another level of guilt I carry. I often think that if I had waited until her original C-section date, perhaps she would still be here now.
Meeting our beautiful girl
Gabriella was perfect, absolutely beautiful. She was so small, weighing just 6lb 5oz, and had such big eyes. She looked at you as if to say, “Ah, finally!”
She truly was the missing piece of our puzzle. She was such a good sleeper and fed all the time. I breastfed her.
From the start, I was always worried. I would ask, “Is she okay?” I worried about how quiet she was. Our first baby had colic, so I wasn’t used to having such a quiet baby, but everyone would reassure me that she was fine.
I noticed that her colouring sometimes seemed a little off, but again, I was told she was okay. I knew that the skin of mixed-race babies can sometimes change a little, so I pushed my worries aside.
She wouldn’t sleep in her cot or next to me, so she was always being held by me or her daddy. She loved her daddy’s cuddles and would lie on him for hours. She made him so, so happy and content.
Her brother Uche was truly obsessed with her. We always said he loved her so aggressively! Every cuddle and kiss came with such force. He loved her so, so much.
If we had had a boy, we thought we would call him Gabriel. Kingsley had a funny story about the way his dad says the name in Nigeria. When we eventually found out we were having a girl, after so many attempts because she just didn’t want us to know, we chose the name Gabriella and gave her the Nigerian name Ifunanyechukwu.
The plan was that, when she was older, she could choose which name she preferred to be known by.
Ifunanyechukwu is the name my husband’s parents gave me because they felt my name, Abby, was too short for them! I always said that if we had a daughter, I would call her Ifunanye. We also chose to give Gabriella the name Kelly, after my stepmum.
That was the plan for her, and I still think about all the things we imagined she would grow up to do.
Losing Gabriella
Gabriella was 13 days old when I took her to the doctors and hospital. She passed away at just 14 days old. Her cause of death was HSV-1 and liver failure. I felt like a failure. I was supposed to protect her, and I couldn’t.
During my pregnancy, I had told everyone that I wanted to keep Gabriella in a bubble because I had seen so much information about cold sores online. My family respected my wishes and boundaries, and nobody kissed her. My parents and family had a quick cuddle with her, but they had washed their hands. I was so careful, and I still don’t know where Gabriella contracted HSV-1. I never imagined that something like this could happen to us.
I now tell parents who watch my videos and ask questions about Gabriella’s story that what they want for their baby is the most important thing. Their family should respect their wishes and boundaries. If they still choose not to, I encourage parents to explain what can happen, even when you are careful.
Raising awareness and supporting The Lullaby Trust
I started looking for information about HSV-1, and The Lullaby Trust’s website was the one where I found more awareness and information about HSV-1. We felt that it was the perfect charity for Gabriella’s funds.
I want her story to help raise awareness and hopefully help protect other babies and families.
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I would like medical professionals at every level to listen to parents’ worries and concerns rather than dismissing them. I want them to look more closely at the baby and ask themselves, “If this were my child, would I look further into it?”
Abby
Life after losing Gabriella
I have learnt that the size of grief never truly changes. I hurt just as much now as I did on the day she died, but life grows around that grief. In those moments, it is okay to find joy and laughter, too.
Our Gabriella is very much a part of all our lives. Her name is spoken every day, and her memory lives on.
Her brother turned two just five days after Gabriella passed away. The love he has for her proves to me that showing children grief and allowing them to understand it is okay.
What I want people to know
I want people to know that just because our babies have died, it doesn’t mean we have to stop talking about them. They live through us, and they are with us through it all.
Gabriella is still our daughter, still her brother’s sister, and still her daddy’s darling girl. We carry her with us in everything we do.
I want other bereaved parents to know that they are allowed to grieve, to speak their babies’ names and to find moments of happiness without feeling guilty. Our babies will always matter, and their lives will always matter, no matter how short they were.
I hope that by sharing Gabriella’s story, we can help raise awareness of HSV-1, encourage people to take parents’ concerns seriously, and help protect other families from experiencing the heartbreak we live with every day.
Gabriella was here. She was loved beyond words, and she always will be. Thank you for reading our warrior Gabriella’s story.
Discover more
Magnolia’s story
Meg lives in Staffordshire with her partner, Ben, and her eldest daughter Cordelia. Meg and Ben’s second daughter, Magnolia, passed away from HSV-1.
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