The reality of sleep deprivation
The reality of living with sleep deprivation as a new parent can come as a shock. It might seem like everyone else’s babies sleep more than yours or you may worry that you are doing something wrong, or that there is something wrong with your baby. Remember that most parents and carers struggle with this, and you’re not alone.
Our past surveys have shown that:
- Almost two thirds (59%) of parents with babies under a year old say their baby sleeps for less than four hours at a stretch.
- Almost half (44%) of parents think their baby should be sleeping for longer than they do.
- 98% of parents and carers said they had experienced sleep deprivation when we asked our community on social media.
If you are really tired, there may be a chance that you fall asleep with your baby. There are some places where this is dangerous (e.g. on a sofa or armchair), so think ahead and read our co-sleeping advice.
When your baby won’t sleep
How long should my baby sleep?
Most babies wake often during the night in their first few months and throughout the first year.
Newborn babies have very small stomachs and will usually wake at least every two hours to feed. As they grow, their sleep patterns will change, and these will be affected by things like teething, growth spurts and illness. By 12 months, babies might be sleeping for 12 hours at night, but about a third will have never slept all night by then.
Every baby is different, so don’t compare yours to others or feel like you’re doing something wrong.
Don't encourage babies to sleep longer or deeper
Well-meaning advice from other people, and the idea that certain products or practices can help a baby to sleep for longer, can make you feel like you should try to get your baby to sleep through the night. This could be unsafe.
Encouraging babies to sleep for longer and more deeply than is usual for their stage of development may affect their ability to wake up if something is wrong, such as if their mouth and nose become covered. This is a risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
Keep following the safer sleep advice
When you’re tired, everything is harder and it can be tempting to do whatever it takes for you and your baby to get some sleep. But to reduce the risk of SIDS, it’s really important to follow the ABCs of safer sleep:
Always sleep your baby on their back in a clear cot or sleep space.
Routine is key, and doing something differently to usual can be unsafe. For example, babies who are normally slept on their backs but sometimes slept on their fronts are at a higher risk of SIDS.
Safer co-sleeping
If you think you might fall asleep in bed with your baby, prepare for this by making sure there won’t be any pillows or adult bedding near your baby. Check that baby cannot be trapped or fall out of bed, and that pets and other children won’t join you in bed. Never leave your baby alone in an adult bed.
Whether you choose to co-sleep or you fall asleep together unplanned, there are some key times to avoid co-sleeping.
Never fall asleep with your baby if:
- You or anyone in the bed smokes or the baby was exposed to smoking in pregnancy.
- You or anyone in the bed has recently drunk any alcohol.
- You or anyone else in the bed has taken any drugs or medication that make you feel sleepy.
- You or anyone else in the bed has taken any drugs or medication that make you feel sleepy.
- You’re on a sofa or armchair – always place your baby in their own cot or Moses basket before you fall asleep.
- Your baby was born prematurely (before 37 weeks of pregnancy) or weighed under 2.5kg or 5.5 pounds when they were born.
In these scenarios, it’s always best to put baby in their own sleep space, such as a cot or Moses basket. Keeping the cot or Moses basket next to your bed might make this easier.
Never fall asleep on a sofa or armchair with your baby. The risk of SIDS is 50 times higher for babies when they sleep on a sofa or armchair with an adult. They are also at risk of accidental death as they can easily slip into a position where they are trapped and can’t breathe.
If you are bedsharing with your baby, consider any risks before every sleep.
Ask for help
Extreme tiredness can be very hard to live with. Even though you were probably expecting some sleepless nights, the reality might be harder than you imagined.
If you are struggling with lack of sleep, don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family, and even neighbours. One parent told us, “I was so tired I put shoes in the fridge!”
Sometimes it can feel uncomfortable asking for help, but we aren’t meant to do this alone and people are often willing to help. If a trusted friend, relative or neighbour can watch the baby for an hour or so while you catch up on sleep, this can make a big difference.
If you are worried about your baby’s sleep, ask your midwife, health visitor, GP or NHS 111. You can also complete 17 simple checks on our free Baby Check app if your baby is showing signs of illness. The app will let you know whether your baby needs to see a health professional.
Tips for staying awake
There will be times when your body wants to go back to sleep, but you need to stay awake to ensure you and/or your baby don’t fall asleep in an unsafe way. For example, if you are feeding your baby on a sofa or armchair.
We asked our community their tips on how to stay awake when particularly tired or sleep deprived:
- ‘Shift swap’ with a partner, friend or relative, if you can.
- Eating snacks, like nuts, cereal or even chewing gum.
- Watch a really exciting or entertaining TV show or series, or listen to podcasts or your favourite music.
- Read something that requires deep concentration, or something low-stress and easy to read. A Kindle means there’s no light needed or a free hand to turn pages.
- Keep a flask of your favourite hot drink to hand for a middle of the night. This also means you don’t have to get up and go to the kitchen.
- Drink cold water, spritz water on your face with a spray bottle, dip your face in cold water, or use a cold flannel.
- Set alarms and timers so they vibrate.
- Open the window and breathe fresh air.
- Give yourself games to play to keep your mind active. For example, give yourself a topic and go through the alphabet naming things with that letter, mentally list every object in the room and its colour without looking, or practice times tables.
- Message other parent/carer friends in the night.
If you’re a friend or relative
If you know someone with a young baby there are ways you can help. Basic tasks like cooking, cleaning and washing can be extremely difficult, and they might just want to nap or hold their baby. Rather than offering to hold the baby for an hour, you might also offer to help with jobs that are getting on top of them.
Being sleep deprived can make people irritable and brain foggy, so be patient. Let them know they can ask for help.
Some other ideas for ways you can help are:
- Cook something so they don’t have to, and make extra to freeze.
- Do a food shop and put the shopping away.
- Offer to clean something, sort and take out the bins and recycling, do the washing up or laundry.
- Offer to look after older siblings.
- Look after the baby while parent/carer has a shower or a nap.
Remember
If you’re struggling with lack of sleep as a new parent, you’re not alone. It’s typical for babies to wake up often throughout the night and for their sleep patterns to change over time. Keep following the safer sleep advice, especially placing baby on their back on a flat, separate sleep space that’s free of toys and other items, even though it can be tempting to try something different. This will help keep your baby safer.
If you need some support, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even having someone keep an eye on your baby while you get an extra hour of sleep can help.
Finally, use the tips on this page to stop yourself nodding off when you need to stay awake.
Every baby safe. Every family supported.
If you found this information helpful, consider donating today to help us reach and help the next parent or carer, just like you. Your kindness will:
- Empower families with trusted advice on keeping their baby safe
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