How to support a loved one
Bereaved families share examples of something that someone said or did that helped them after their baby died.
Grandparents' grief
Some grandparents have told us that they feel a double sense of pain. They may feel grief for the baby who has died, and distress for their son or daughter’s grief. They can struggle to find ways to help without interfering. Often, they don’t feel entitled to express their own grief; instead focusing on supporting their child and remaining grandchildren.
After a family bereavement, people often direct their anger about the death at those closest. It is often easily misunderstood. There may be tensions between the generations over differing childcare practices. Even spoken-aloud thoughts about the unfairness of a healthy baby dying when a much older, even unwell, relative continues to survive. This may cause great hurt in the heat of the moment.
Those who live far away may feel a very deep sense of loss. They may not have been able to see and hold the child much before the death. This also applies to other relatives. If it was a niece or nephew who died, feelings of loss may be complicated by fears for their own children or future ones. Suddenly everything seems uncertain.
Other family's grief
A sister or sister-in-law may be pregnant or have a child of a similar age, which may cause pain and even jealousy after a family bereavement. It may take a great deal of effort to see nieces and nephews and join in family celebrations.
Try, if you can, to explain to family members to what extent you feel able to be included in their children’s activities and celebrations. Explain how you would like your child’s name and life to be spoken of and remembered. Relatives are often very unsure, and risk unwittingly isolating their bereaved family member rather than ‘upset’ them.
More ways to support others
In the workplace
Bereavement support for parents in the workplace, and bereavement leave entitlement.