Baby Check app
Our Baby Check app gives you peace of mind, in your pocket. If your baby is under six months of age, you can use the Baby Check app to find out if they need to see a health professional.
Tell me a bit about you
Alex and I have been together for just over five years and married for two. We’re so pleased to have little Oakley in our lives after a year of trying. Being a parent, and suddenly having a whole person to look after, is the hardest and best thing you’ll ever do! Nobody can prepare you for that first six weeks! Oakley was born during one of our many heatwaves this summer, which definitely added to my worries as a new mum. I knew it would be hard, but I don’t think I expected it to be this hard. On top of this, the sleep deprivation makes my worries worse.
The Lullaby Trust’s temperature guidance was up on my phone every single day. It really helped me know what to dress him in, and how to avoid overheating. It was reassuring having somewhere to go for answers, particularly as when he was in hospital, they gave him a hat, but that isn’t advised for sleep when you go home.
I was chatting recently to a friend of mine and said she writes down when her baby has a nappy change, feed, or sleep. I remember doing this too, but when I look back I just can’t remember that first week at all really, it’s all such a blur, but it’s also such a precious time. From about eight weeks onwards we began to find our feet, and Oakley started to develop a little personality. He’s hilarious. He smiles all the time and is a real little person now!
Can you tell me why Oakley went to the hospital at five weeks old, and what this was like for you?
One evening, during the heatwave, he got really hot. I could just tell that something wasn’t right. I tried to check his temperature with a thermometer under his armpit but he was just hating it. He definitely wasn’t ok. I then noticed he had some sucking in at the ribs when he was breathing. I rang triage, and they told me to ring 111. They told me they were sending an ambulance, which was really frightening. We weren’t expecting that at all. They did various tests on him and said he had a fever. We went to the hospital and even though his fever had come down by this point, they chose to keep him in overnight.
During that night, they did various further tests including a urine sample and a snot test, and we were able to come home the next day, thankfully. They believe it was the start of a cold or bronchiolitis. After a few days of being groggy at home, he fully recovered. I’m just so glad we chose to get him checked, and to trust our parental instincts.
That wasn’t even our first experience of Oakley catching an infection. Oakley and I both caught infections during labour in hospital and they thought it was turning septic, so I ended up having an emergency c-section.
The theme for Infection Prevention Week is ‘your baby, your boundaries’. What resonates with you this year about the theme?
The theme this year really resonates with me. When we first had Oakley, we knew we only wanted very immediate family and close friends coming to visit because we wanted to reduce the risk of infection as much as possible. We were very lucky, because those who we didn’t want to visit understood and respected our boundaries. Our immediate family knew that if they had a cold or were mildly ill, they should postpone their visit.
After our hospital visit, I was constantly thinking about who was seeing Oakley, and I was really conscious of anyone trying to kiss him. I was thinking back to if I’d given him to people and they’d kissed his hand or something. It can all happen so fast and it’s hard to intervene in the moment. It can also feel awkward to tell people not to do that. Older generations in particular have lived through a lot of change when it comes to baby care. I’ve found that setting these boundaries across the board with everyone helps a lot, as it means certain people don’t think you’re only saying it to them.
If your family and friends respect you and love you, your boundaries shouldn’t be a problem. They should respect them. We don’t kiss babies in this day and age – it’s that simple! It can be tricky, people are so excited to visit a newborn and it can sometimes feels like my boundaries are popping that bubble. But me and my partner are very united in the fact that we know it’s important to set these boundaries and stick by them. It stops me nervously staring at visitors like a hawk, worried they will kiss Oakley.
What you’d say to a new parent or carer who is worried about asking family to not visit yet, or to wash their hands and not kiss the baby?
Setting boundaries with loved ones about your baby is always more awkward in your head. Often, people are very understanding. I’d suggest that you just remind people that you’re not trying to keep your baby away from them or punish them. I sometimes put the onus on the professionals and tell people that it’s just what we’ve been told. It’s not just a lifestyle choice by us. A friend of mine messaged everyone in advance, so she didn’t have to set her boundaries in person.
Another friend told me she like to take a blunt approach. By saying things like ‘How would you feel if they was in hospital because you kissed them?’ and people certainly respected her boundaries after that!
Your baby might be other people’s niece, nephew or grandchild, but they are your baby. What you say, goes. Other people have to respect it, and they do!
What would you say to a visitor who may not understand why they should wash their hands and avoid kissing your baby?
Family would never knowingly pass on an infection, but raising awareness of how harmful a small sniffle can be for babies is important.
I’ve always been worried about Oakley and making sure he’s safe. Postpartum anxiety was also raging for me. When Oakley was in hospital, it made me take a step back and realise just how importance this infection prevention advice is.
I can say to visitors, ‘look what can happen if you do something as simple as kiss a baby.’ We don’t know where Oakley got his cold from that put him in hospital, but it came from somewhere, and it could well have been from a kiss or a mild illness. It might be awkward for a short time to firmly set boundaries with visitors, but it’s so much better to do that, than be where we ended up that Friday night. His hospital experience has definitely given us more of a backbone with it now, and it certainly scared everyone around us too.
It’s so important to explain to visitors, who might not understand your boundaries, that babies can catch a life-threatening infection from something as simple to an adult as a cold sore or a sniffle. Babies are so young and vulnerable, and although visitors might view you as over-cautious, it’s actually what’s best in the long run. Time flies and soon that little baby will be old enough for kisses – it’s not such a big deal to just wait until it’s safe!
Another tip I have, is to tell new visitors a story (whether it’s true or not!) of when someone kissed Oakley’s hand on the street, or when someone touched him without washing their hands. I then tell visitors how I then rush in and wash him straight away! So instead of telling people ‘don’t kiss him’, I tell them about how shocked I was when someone did that in the past. ‘You would never believe what this person did!’, I’d say. Then, they either agree with you, and your boundaries are clear and understood, or they ask why it upset me and why I washed Oakley, and I have an opportunity to educate them. It’s a helpful way to open up the conversation.
Have you found The Lullaby Trust useful when looking for guidance about infection prevention?
I think The Lullaby Trust’s infection prevention guidance is so useful. The Lullaby Trust put the advice into the context of a real-life situation, and give people the confidence to do what is safest for their baby, even if sometimes it can feel awkward. It’s fine to tell people not to kiss babies if they aren’t yours to prevent infections like RSV, but how you go about enforcing that is another thing, and The Lullaby Trust support with that.
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Setting boundaries with the people closest to you is hard, but The Lullaby Trust offer real-life tips and practical advice to make it less daunting.
Paige
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Katie’s story
Katie's son, Jenson, died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2021 at nine weeks old. Katie spoke to us about her experience, and her subsequent fundraising for The Lullaby Trust.
Infection Prevention Week
Each year we host an Infection Prevention Week during October to show how we can all work together to keep babies safe from infection. We want to empower parents and carers to set boundaries.
Hot weather
When the weather’s hot or you’re going on holiday, follow these tips to keep your baby safe and comfortable this summer.
You can support people like Paige
Donate today and your kindness will empower families with trusted and life-saving baby safety advice, as well as providing a supportive space for anyone who has experienced the the sudden or unexpected death of a baby or infant.