Paige’s story
Paige’s son, Harrison, died in 2015. She told us that she doesn’t think she would be the mum she is today without the Care of Next Infant Programme (CONI) supporting her with her son, Freddie.
Tell me a bit about you
I live in Lewisham with my five-year-old son K’mari, and my six-month-old Khalil. I run my own baking business, and have been baking since I was a child. My other son, Azaiah would be four years old, but he passed away from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) when he was eight months old, in August 2022.
Can you tell me more about Azaiah?
Azaiah was such a happy-go-lucky little boy, always smiling. I have really lovely memories of going to the beach with him, and sometimes when I’m feeling particularly down, I look back at old videos we have of him. We all deal with the grief differently. My mum finds it really hard to watch the videos, and won’t go back to that beach.
Losing Azaiah was a huge shock, and I feel like I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that it’s actually true.
What support did you receive?
I was on the young parents’ panel for The Lullaby Trust, and when I could no longer attend a meeting because I’d just lost Azaiah, they gave me a lot of support. They helped me with practical advice like organising the funeral. They sent me a condolences card and were there for me whenever I needed it. It was really nice to have the support.
I was offered counselling on the NHS, which I took up for a bit until I felt better. I’ve recently started counselling again, and I’m aware that The Lullaby Trust’s helpline and webchat is there for me if I ever need it. My new partner has also been really supportive and understanding, constantly reassuring me.
Why did you decide to be a part of our work, and to share your story today?
I really enjoyed the opportunity to support others, and to help young people feel heard. I used to write pieces for The Lullaby Trust about our feelings surrounding SIDS and safer sleep. And I’d do Instagram takeovers to help get information across to other parents.
I’m sharing my story to help others understand the importance of having a strong support network around you, and to reassure people that they aren’t alone. Before I lost Azaiah, one of my cousins lost their baby too. Azaiah was actually there with me at the funeral. The impact this had on me and my family has been huge.
What was it like going on to have another baby, after losing Azaiah?
It was really scary at first to get pregnant again. It gave me a lot of anxiety. But since I’ve got such a strong support network around me, I was able to get through. I use The Lullaby Trust’s safer sleep advice, and found the co-sleeping guidance particularly useful. I’m also interested in the current research being funded about baby sling and carrier use, because it’s currently not clear enough for parents what the advice is.
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Every year on his anniversary we go to his grave and release balloons, which is really special. And on his birthday, we have cake and go out to eat. It’s usually my close family which is my mum, aunty and my nan, as well as my brothers, uncle and new partner.
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Webchat
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Grieving and common feelings
When someone we love dies, we experience overwhelming feelings of loss and sorrow, which we call grief.
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