Tell me a bit about you
I live in Exmouth in Devon, right by the sea with my partner Ian and my three boys Ben (16), Dan (15) and Tom (11). I also have two older girls, Georgie and Hannah who have both moved out now. I love running and have for years, I find it’s a great way to keep myself physically and mentally fit.
Why did you decide to fundraise for The Lullaby Trust?
Harry was my first son, and I was very excited to be a mother. He was born a healthy baby at a normal size and I was delighted. I felt so complete when we was born and so at ease. I felt like I could protect him, and I checked on him all the time.
One night I put him down to sleep and then when I checked on him, I touched him and he wasn’t the right temperature. He wasn’t breathing. I was on my own as his dad was out at the time. It was a horrific thing to experience. I called the ambulance and they took me through the resuscitation. He died in the ambulance on the way to A&E.
He was a little sweetie, and I felt so blessed to have had him.
At what point did you discover The Lullaby Trust?
The hospital gave me information from The Lullaby Trust straight away. I found the information about the practical processes that need to happen when a baby dies really helpful. I got in touch with the bereavement helpline really early on, and I was offered a befriender who was 19 years bereaved. She was able to teach me the lifelong effects of losing a child, and how to live in that grief. Now that I’m further along in my bereavement, I’ve also done some befriending myself as I wanted to support other families who are also experiencing what I did. I’ve also been to some Lullaby Trust family days out, where it was lovely to meet others who all have this loss in common.
Can you tell us about the support you received from the Care of Next Infant (CONI) programme?
The biggest impact The Lullaby Trust had for me was for my next children. Looking after a baby after losing one was the most terrifying thing for me, but having support from the CONI programme was an absolute lifesaver. Just having people there that knew what to say, and who recognised the specific support I needed was fantastic.
The whole package of care was great. I was given practical tools to feel confident in looking after my baby, including a monitor and a weight chart. I was trained in resuscitation, and what to do if a monitor ever went off. CONI empowered me to trust my instincts.
After Harry died, I felt powerless. I felt like I didn’t have the capacity to make sure that I could prevent it from happening again, and this lack of power is terrifying. CONI gave me a bit of that power back, and the support helped me to take control of the elements that I could.
Why did you decide to take on the London Marathon this year?
I did my first marathon for Harry’s 21st birthday, and he would be 30 this year, so I’d like to run again in his memory. Running became my therapy through a dark period.
Running at this event allows me to raise money and perhaps some of these funds will go towards putting together some life-saving information, which I then hand out in my work as a midwife! It’s very full circle. If someone makes a choice that ultimately helps their baby, or even just a family feels safer and more confident in caring for their baby, then it will be worth it.
I’ve run four marathons for The Lullaby Trust, and after the first, I put my medal on a memorial tree we have for Harry. Running another marathon this year means I get to talk about him more, say his name, and keep his memory alive. I’m doing it for his legacy. The fact that my daughter is joining me this time and running in memory of her brother makes this marathon extra special.
What would you say to anybody who is considering taking on a fundraising challenge for The Lullaby Trust, but isn’t sure where to start?
Once you’ve got your ‘why’, there really isn’t a reason not to do some fundraising. The Lullaby Trust team are so supportive and have fostered an incredible team environment for us. So if you’re thinking about it – just do it!
Discover more
Karl’s story
Karl’s incredible and in his words, ‘bonkers’ running challenge has raised over £10,000 for The Lullaby Trust.
About the CONI programme
The Care of Next Infant (CONI) programme supports bereaved families before and after the birth of their new baby, giving hundreds of families peace of mind and support.
Bereavement support helpline
If you would like the opportunity to talk freely, for as long as required, with a sympathetic and understanding listener, please contact us via our bereavement helpline or send an email.
You can support people like Clare
Donate today and your kindness will empower families with trusted and life-saving baby safety advice, as well as providing a supportive space for anyone who has experienced the the sudden or unexpected death of a baby or infant.