Karl’s story
Karl’s incredible and in his words, ‘bonkers’ running challenge has raised over £10,000 for The Lullaby Trust.
Talk us through your fundraising challenge
I started by taking on the ‘couch to 5k’ challenge, which quickly turned into a 10k, which turned into half marathons. I took on the Great North Run in 2013 for The Lullaby Trust as a way of thanking the charity for everything they did for me.
I then decided to take on a marathon, and I ran the 2018 London Marathon to thank The Lullaby Trust for the support they offered me through the CONI (Care of Next Infant) programme, and the safer sleep advice they offered me for Esme in her first 18 months.
Then, my focus switched to other parents and carers and their babies. I ran the 2023 London Marathon to raise funds to promote The Lullaby Trust’s services, to support future generations. I’m determined to support the families who have been impacted by the bereavement of a baby, but also those that haven’t been. I think that raising awareness of safer sleep is so important to prevent other parents having to experience what I did.
Can you tell us about the support you accessed and what difference it made?
After Charlie died, Samantha (his mother) and I felt guilt, isolation and helplessness in the months that followed. Although we parted company, I am glad that Sam and her own family benefitted from The Lullaby Trust and vice versa.
In the years that followed, I needed to find a new support network to reach out to when all other options failed. The Lullaby Trust helped by being patient, emphatic and knowledgeable which helped me overcome the hurdle of not being able to talk freely. I had the opportunity to connect with parents and relatives about their experiences which reassured me that I was not alone, which gave me a lifeline!
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Despite the 20 days we had with Charlie, my memories of him remain as vivid as ever. His legacy provided an opportunity to learn valuable coping mechanisms and tactics.
What do you have coming up?
This year is a poignant year for me, as Charlie should have been 21 this year. Anniversaries come and go, but this was always going to be a tough one. Whilst acceptance was reached long ago, this year will provide an element of closure for me. I will never forget Charlie and I think about him everyday. I think that my fundraising will help others who have been grieving long term.
I have 12 more marathons organised this year including Malta and Tokyo. I will have the opportunity to gather my thoughts whilst running these events; they’ll give me the focus, distraction and solitude I need.
After these, my focus will revert back to my 2023 goal, which was to raise funds for The Lullaby Trust and awareness of how useful their services are, and share the life-saving safer sleep advice to support other parents and carers. I will continue this for as long as I can run, which means that my fundraising page will remain open for a good few years. By the end of this year, I will have done about 70 marathons. My aim is to beat 100 marathons by my mid-50s.
Charlie’s passing has not been in vain and that he is at peace. He has allowed me to push the boundaries of what is possible which I am eternally grateful for.
Have you always been a runner?
When I was a kid, I hated running. I didn’t start running until 2012, after my 38th birthday, so I was a relatively late bloomer! It’s been incredible for my physical and mental health and a great thing to hyper-focus on. It has allowed me to travel the world, with highlights for me being London, Oslo, Chicago and Tokyo. Every marathon is of equal value to me, and I’m proud of myself after every one. I’m also not fussed about the time I run in, I think it’s just about experiencing it.
Tell me a bit more about your daughter, Esme
Hayley and I got married in 2016 with the intention of starting a family. When we realised Esme was on her way, we were over the moon. Although at the same time, I was full of anxiety and worry because of what happened to Charlie. I was always on the edge. We were put on The Lullaby Trust’s Care of Next Infant (CONI) programme prior to her birth, which continued after she was born. We followed the ABCs of safer sleep, which we found instrumental in keeping her as safe as possible.
The Lullaby Trust has helped our family in more ways than one.
Esme is my miracle kid. She’s aware of what happened to her half-brother and frequently asks about him. She’s also aware of the safer sleep advice that we followed that’s benefitted her. She’s full of energy, and has even started running junior park runs. She’s said she wants to raise money for The Lullaby Trust when she’s older, to continue Charlie’s legacy.
What difference do you hope to make?
I’ve raised close to £13000 so far for The Lullaby Trust. I hope this total will grow with more of the marathons I run, and with the other fundraisers I’m doing, like my cake sale at work. I really hope that this money helps to raise awareness of the support The Lullaby Trust provides, in order to help other parents and carers.
What the charity stands for is a lot bigger than people give it credit for. It can help so many people.
I’ve also had the amazing opportunity to help the charity in other ways. I appeared on BBC Breakfast which was an unforgettable experience. I’d just returned home from a half marathon and when I got a phone call from The Lullaby Trust asking if I wanted to be on TV the following morning, I thought it was a prank call!
Do you have any other thoughts you’d like to share?
It does get a lot easier to talk about Charlie and overcome the memories of what happened, but you never forget. Running has opened up the opportunity to have more casual conversations about him, and I often see people in Lullaby Trust vests at runs who I like to chat to. It makes me feel part of a lovely community.
I spoke to someone in a Lullaby Trust vest during the York Marathon last year. He told me that after losing his child recently, he runs as a coping mechanism. I reminded him that nobody should have to say goodbye to their child, but it does get easier to cope with.
Useful information
Having another baby
The decision to have another baby is a very personal one and sometimes you and your partner may not agree about the prospect or the timing.
Fundraising events and challenges
We’ve got a superb range of running, cycling, walking and other challenge events that are ready for you to conquer. They’re a fantastic way to raise money, get fitter and have lots of fun.
Bereavement support helpline
If you would like the opportunity to talk freely, for as long as required, with a sympathetic and understanding listener, please contact us via our bereavement helpline or send an email.
You can support parents like Abs
Donate today and your kindness will empower parents with trusted and life-saving baby safety advice, as well as providing a supportive space for anyone whose baby or infant has died suddenly or unexpectedly.