Paul's story
Bridget was 20-years-old when hers and Zbig's son, Paul, died from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). There was very little awareness of SIDS at the time, and Bridget worked hard to change that.
Tell us about your family Karen
I’m a part-time beauty therapist and as a family, our weekends tend to involve cricket for Bailey and David, dance for Poppy and little Jack loves an animal farm near us. Life was very different for me twenty years ago. I had another son, my precious Harvey.
Tell us about Harvey
When I was 24 years old, I worked at Center Parcs in Wiltshire as a beauty therapist. I’d worked my way up to Assistant Manager in the Health Spa and was extremely happy to find out I was pregnant. I was fit and young and my pregnancy was so healthy.
Harvey was born, a beautiful baby boy at eight pounds, six ounces. He was so wanted, as the first grandchild on both sides. Harvey meant everything to all of us. I had wonderful maternity care and had a great group of friends I’d been introduced to via the maternity services.
When did Harvey become unwell?
Harvey had a cold and at the time, many of my friends’ babies were poorly too. He’d been unwell from the Thursday, so by Saturday, I got an appointment with our locum doctor. The doctor examined him and said he had a virus, so we took him home and kept up with over-the-counter medicine.
By the Sunday evening, he was still unwell and I noticed he had a rash. It wasn’t a typical meningitis rash, but it was a new symptom as he had been suffering with a raised temperature. We took him straight to the local hospital. We were told it wasn’t a meningitis rash, but we were still so worried about him. The doctor hadn’t managed to ease our concerns, so we went to a larger hospital for another opinion.
At the second hospital, Harvey was given a very brief examination. Eventually, we were told again that it was a virus and so we went home. After three medics had seen him, I did feel a bit more reassured. Monday came and went, Harvey was still unwell. By the Tuesday morning, we couldn’t wake him up.
We called an ambulance. He stopped breathing twice in the hospital, but they managed to revive him. Harvey had meningitis, that had gone undetected despite three hospital visits. Much later on in the day, he was moved to another hospital by ambulance and we had to follow behind him. I remember thinking, ‘This is the first time I haven’t been in the same vehicle as him’. We stayed by his side all night. In the morning, we were told there was no hope. There was no brain activity and there was no choice. The breathing machines were switched off.
I was broken. We were all broken.
I remember driving home with his empty car seat. I had his presents for his ‘first’ Christmas wrapped, hidden under my bed. I returned to work, as my maternity leave was up and people asked me how ‘Harvey was doing’ but he wasn’t here anymore and nothing we could do would bring him back. It was a struggle to get out of bed, everything fell apart during that long year that we waited for an inquest.
How long was it until you had Bailey?
It was eight years. I was desperate to have the family I had all of those years ago. Again, my pregnancy with Bailey was very healthy. When Bailey was born, I was constantly checking on him. Trying to enjoy the moment was so hard because I was just desperate to get him past the age of six months. It felt like I was wishing his first few months away, but I so desperately wanted Bailey to be able to talk and tell me if anything was wrong.
I needed so much more support than I was given. Nobody ever mentioned Harvey at any health care visit. To make matters worse, Bailey suffered terribly with eczema (from head to toe) and was allergic to my breast milk and put on special formula. Bailey was blue-lighted twice to hospital, before we discovered he had anaphylaxis (a life-threatening allergic reaction) around six to seven months old. When we got there, I couldn’t walk into the resus room because it was where Harvey had been taken. Nobody knew. I couldn’t physically move. The second time it happened – I found the strength and walked through the door. After that incident, I knew I had to move because I couldn’t go back to that hospital again.
Worrying about Bailey’s allergies consumed me. The Lullaby Trust’s Care of Next Infant (CONI) programme wasn’t available in my area and at the time I had never heard of it either. Looking back, a consistent health care professional would have made such a difference and an additional contact with a health visitor would’ve changed everything. I can say this, as I had a brilliant health visitor when I had my youngest son, Jack. The sleep monitor would have helped us both sleep better, having peace of mind is key.
The everyday worry is exhausting and any aid which helps relieve those anxieties is priceless. The CONI passport would’ve been such an asset. I have rushed each child to hospital over the years and each time I am transported back to that horrendous time I experienced with Harvey. Just as the life support training would’ve been invaluable too. It’s such peace of mind. When I had Bailey, I just needed someone who knew my situation, acknowledged Harvey and talked me through things. I’d lost a child and I needed the support that CONI offers.
Having CONI could’ve meant I wasn’t almost wishing away the first six months of Bailey’s life, and instead, I could embrace it.
What happened in the years after Bailey’s birth?
We moved back to Pembrokeshire, several years later we had our princess, Poppy. Five and a half years later, our darling Jack was born. Again, those same anxieties marred the first few months of their lives. The CONI programme would’ve given me the ability to cope better with any situation that I was facing.
I’m sharing Harvey’s story today because something has to come from losing him. I want to remember him by helping others. There has to be a reason why he was here. Often, I’ll think, ‘He was too perfect for this world’. I hope for Harvey’s legacy, to give parents and carers the strength to trust their instincts.
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