Lucy’s story

A stand-up comedian, Lucy is looking forward to writing up new material about motherhood when she returns to the mic.

Tell me a bit more about you 

When I find time (which is limited as a solo parent of two), I like to do pilates and swimming.  I used to be CEO of a women’s centre charity, and now I’m training as a mother’s coach. I’m particularly interested in ‘matrescence’. This is the hormonal, emotional and physical changes you go through when you become a mother. Nothing can prepare you for it.   

What does Bessie’s sleep set up look like?  

Bessie slept in a next-to-me cot and now sleeps in a cot next to my bed. Unfortunately, she’s a terrible sleeper, so I’ve learned how to run on very little sleep! Polly often sleeps in my bed too, so co-sleeping just isn’t an option as I wouldn’t feel comfortable that it is as safe as it could be. In the early days, sometimes I would go into another room into a clear bed and follow The Lullaby Trust’s guidelines to co-sleep more safely without Polly. This helped me get  an hour or so of sleep.  

At what point did you access The Lullaby Trust’s information?  

A midwife told me about The Lullaby Trust, and then I went online to read about it further. The information The Lullaby Trust provided has been a complete lifeline for me. I used the information as my Bible, I was obsessed.

Did those ‘perfect parenthood’ messages on social media, or conversations with other parents about their baby’s sleep, make you feel as though you were doing something wrong? Did it confuse or affect you in any way?  

I completely agree that there are so many mixed messages. It’s confusing, and a lot of well-meaning parents give out advice they aren’t qualified to give out. Some of what people are saying is actually really unsafe – it’s terrifying. I often find myself frantically searching for information.   

How did it feel seeing baby sleep or products hacks/tips on social media?  

It’s the products for sale that are supposedly ‘SIDS-proof’ that are worrying. No product or company can guarantee that, and The Lullaby Trust makes that very clear. But when you’re a vulnerable parent and terribly exhausted, products to help get your baby to sleep can be tempting. 

I was nearly tricked into buying a sleeping pod, but then I read The Lullaby Trust’s guidance so I didn’t buy it. I’ve seen people talking about cot bumpers and hammocks on social media. There’s just so much false information. Babies just need very basic bedding and an empty cot. In the end, parents just want the best for their most precious thing, our baby, but we’re sleep deprived, so making these decisions can be hard.  

Were you tempted to buy products that aim to make your baby sleep longer, or more deeply?  

No way will I buy a product to get my baby to sleep longer and deeper. Babies wake up for their own safety – we don’t want them to be in deep sleeps all the time. Having baby sleep patterns normalised would really help. Parents should know that they aren’t doing anything wrong if their baby wakes up in the night. It isn’t their fault. All babies are different.   

Especially after Polly, I learnt that I could survive those early months, which gave me more confidence with Bessie.

There are things you can do to help you survive through the sleep deprivation, but there is no magic, despite what people trying to sell baby products might tell you.

How did the sleep deprivation make you feel?  

I experienced sleep deprivation really badly with both children. It’s particularly hard as a solo parent. In fact, it’s probably the hardest thing about having a baby for me. The nights where you see sunset and sunrise are scary. I just kind of cope, and get used to it. I nap when I can. It was scariest when Bessie was younger. I cluster fed Bessie so in the first few weeks, she didn’t really sleep at all, and neither did I. There were one or two nights when I thought, ‘I’m just so tired, I can’t keep her safe’. You can see why they use sleep deprivation as torture!  

We often hear of parents and carers developing innovative ways to practice safer sleep, even when bone-tired or out of routine. What tips do you have to stop yourself from falling asleep in less safe positions, such as on the sofa?  

I try my best to avoid falling asleep on the sofa or sitting in my bed with Bessie, due to the increased risks of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). To do this, I actually avoided coffee, in case Bessie suddenly had a miraculous night! I’d have sugary snacks, but mostly eat well and take supplements and vitamins. I’d also stay hydrated. I get especially dehydrated when I breastfeed – I’m like a raisin!  

I’d get up and walk around a bit, and go outside if you can, even if it feels like the last thing you want to do. It’s so energising. Sometimes I run my wrists under cold water. Generally just make yourself a bit uncomfortable!  

Ultimately, sometimes you’re just so tired that nothing truly works. It’s just survival! And sometimes you’ll think you’ve nailed it, then something else comes into the mix like they start teething or learn to walk.  

If you could give one tip to other new/expectant parents, what would it be?  

You will survive it, and it will get better. You’ll look back on it one day and probably laugh and question how you got through it! Remember that this will pass, so listen to your instincts and to trusted experts, and don’t put pressure on yourself.