Sleep deprivation
Coping with sleep deprivation as a new parent or carer can be tough. Your baby will probably wake up often and it can be hard to stay awake to keep them safe. You’re not alone.
Tell me a bit more about you
I love TV/movies and the cinema. I miss that now that I have children! I love a good walk, good food, and a good cocktail! I’ve worked in charity for eight years now, and I’m particularly passionate about causes that support babies, young people and those who are vulnerable or disadvantaged.
Tell me about your twins and their sleep space
There were a few sets of twins in my family, but when I found out we were having twins I was in utter shock! After the news had time to settle in, I knew it was an absolute blessing. Connor was amazing and I swear he manifested twins!
Axel and Cleo are eight months, but they were six weeks premature, so they are what is called ‘six months corrected’. They were in NICU for three weeks, so a tough start but we actually felt a little blessed that we had this extra time with them.
Having twins of course comes with its challenges, but I don’t really know any different! When they came home, they were in our room, each in their own crib, train style on my side. They have only just gone into their cots in their nursery (wow I was not prepared for how hard that transition would be emotionally).
In the newborn days they had their night sleep in their bedside crib and the day sleeps were a mixture of pram bassinet (we have a twin pram, which we love!) and sharing a cot. They each slept at either end, in the feet to foot position (co-bedding).
For the first couple of months we used sleep alarms for every sleep, and they still use them for their night sleep. We don’t rely on this obviously, it just put us at ease during those early days particularly.
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I would say I felt quite anxious about sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), particularly as Axel and Cleo were premature, which puts them at higher risk. I’m familiar with The Lullaby Trust’s guidance having worked there, and did my best to follow the guidance as much as possible.
Did those ‘perfect parenthood’ messages on social media, or conversations with other parents about their baby’s sleep, make you feel as though you were doing something wrong? Did it confuse or affect you in any way?
I see lots of adverts, memes and products on Instagram to do with sleeping your baby. There are so many ‘mumfluencers’ and sleep consultants, each coming with positives and negatives. Some channels are helpful and informative, but others spread misinformation and can advertise products that could be unsafe.
There are lots of ‘do you want to say goodbye to sleep deprivation?’ adverts on social media, showcasing products and ‘hacks’, but in reality a lot of these don’t work, and can confuse parents and carers.
There are also quite a few unsafe sleeping products advertised. If I didn’t know the advice inside and out, I can see how people fall into the trap of purchasing these products.
Were you ever concerned about how much or how little your babies slept?
The reality is, some weeks Cleo and Axel sleep well, and some they don’t. The first four months were actually dreamy, and then we hit that lovely sleep regression at four or five months. This time was really tough and I found myself so desperate that I was Googling sleep consultants and night nannies! We then had another brilliant run, and then recently hit another regression, which again is totally fun. Overall though, I’ve been pretty lucky with how my babies have slept.
I think generally it really depends on the baby, and your experience is individual to you. Babies aren’t robots and meant to sleep completely through the night, some nights are harder than others and I try to remember that when we’re in a tough spot. Crying also helps!
As I mentioned, Axel and Cleo were in an Intensive Care Unit straight after they were born, where they got used to a rigid routine to ensure they were fed and put on weight. Connor and I continued this when they came home and it worked so well for us. Being so routine-based helped Connor and I with having our own time too, for ourselves and as a couple. Having some predictability helped me especially.
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Were you tempted to buy products that aim to make your babies sleep longer, or more deeply?
I’ve seen some products like sleep positioners or other products being advertised so freely online, that are just not safe. I wasn’t enticed into the whole ‘get your baby to sleep through at six weeks’ idea. They are babies, and their sleep patterns mean they aren’t meant to sleep through the night. Knowing the advice, I didn’t buy into any of these things.
How did the sleep deprivation make you feel?
I can see why people use sleep deprivation as a torture! It’s so real. It can be so hard to make informed choices when you’re sleep deprived, but we did our best. Cleo and Axel were definitely in their own cribs as much as possible, but once we hit that four month sleep regression I did bring one of them in the bed with me sometimes. It’s so hard when you’re exhausted, and I was so worried about doing this.
I was sure to follow The Lullaby Trust’s guidance on co-sleeping more safely, and I made sure there wasn’t any bedding near them and they were far from me also. It was important for me to not co-sleep accidentally, and to make sure the space was as safe as possible if I was going to bring one of them in the bed with me. I just want to note here that I don’t and have never judged parents who decide to bedshare and make an informed decision for themselves and their baby/babies. It’s a very personal choice and this was mine.
Quite a few people were quick to point out how hard the newborn stage was going to be, warning me we were going to have to really try and survive. We let that go over our heads to be honest, and my advice is to drown out any of that negativity! Just do you and find out for yourself.
You just get this crazy mum energy and adrenaline. After a tough night or nights… I get outside to brush off those sleep deprivation cobwebs and remind myself that this is temporary, this isn’t forever. They’re never going to be this tiny again.
We often hear of parents and carers developing innovative ways to practice safer sleep, even when bone-tired or out of routine. What tips do you have to stop yourself from falling asleep in less safe positions, such as on the sofa?
Since we have two babies, everything takes double the time, which can be challenging especially in those early days. I found that at the start, I was only getting about two or three hours of sleep each night. I always fed them outside the bedroom and sat in a feeding chair, to help with the sleepiness. Our boy had trouble with feeding in the beginning so that took longer too. I had a little station next to my chair for my pump (which I always had set up and ready), my litre bottle of water, snacks, and a stunning glass of milk on the rocks in the summer. A bit different to beloved cocktails.
Podcasts were my best friend those nights, and helped me feel less alone in the early hours.
I listened to lots of music, especially Charli XCX in those early days to keep me awake. I wasn’t a ‘365 party girl’, I was a ‘365 pumping girl’ I tell you. I watched lots of boxsets, rewatched old favourites too that brought comfort.
If you could give one tip to other new/ expectant parents, what would it be?
This is temporary. It’s really tough in the moment but you will get through it.
Try and video the little moments, whether it’s their cute little ears, or them feeding. Try to capture these times, because they grow up so fast.
Go outside, rain or shine. It does wonders for your mental health.
Vent and voice your feelings to someone close.
You’ve got this.
And to my fellow twin mamas, you are incredible.
Learn more
Premature babies
If you have a premature baby or your baby had a low birth weight, you might have questions about how to care for them and sleep them safely. Use this guide to help you.
Twins and multiples
Whatever you choose for your twins or multiples' sleeping arrangement, follow the safer sleep advice for each baby, for every sleep.
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