Sleep deprivation
Coping with sleep deprivation as a new parent or carer can be tough. Your baby will probably wake up often and it can be hard to stay awake to keep them safe. You’re not alone.
Tell me a bit about you
I’m a maths teacher, but following Flo’s birth, my focus is very much on her. We go on walks everyday and attend baby groups, but I try to take time for myself when I can. I enjoy sports such as cricket and netball, and I like to sew.
What does your sleep set up look like at the moment?
Flo sleeps in a sleep suit in her own cot on a firm, flat mattress. We have friends who co-sleep, and these friends mostly breastfeed. Since Flo is an IVF baby and is formula fed, we don’t co-sleep, as we feel as though Flo is safest in her own sleep space.
At what point did you access The Lullaby Trust’s information?
We Googled ‘safer sleep’ and The Lullaby Trust came up first. Midwives also recommended The Lullaby Trust to us. We found the stats really powerful, particularly the fact that the risk of SIDS is 50 times higher for babies when they sleep on a sofa or armchair with an adult.
As a maths teacher, facts and figures like these are particularly hard hitting. It shows how important safer sleep is but also how much SIDS rates have declined since safer sleep guidelines and how far we’ve come.
Tell me your thoughts on those ‘perfect parenthood’ messages on social media and in conversations with other parents about safer sleep
I use Instagram and Facebook, and it’s never quite clear which advice is trustworthy and which isn’t. But I always know when I see a post from The Lullaby Trust, that I can trust it. On social media I always see mums telling me how to swaddle, but I’m all too aware of how this can increase the risk of your baby overheating. The algorithm also always shows me parents’ ‘perfect’ nighttime routine for their baby. Content like this just feeds into people’s anxieties and puts pressure on parents. It made me feel rubbish. Flo has reflux, and a suspected milk intolerance, and this only added to my worries. Hannah told me to stop looking at it all!
The biggest issue is that there is now a lot of mistrust in the reputable sources. Lots of people aren’t trusting the information that should be trusted.
Were you ever concerned about how much or how little your baby slept?
Social media is flooded with tips to get your baby to sleep for more hours.
I’ve seen influencers advising parents to make their baby wait for a feed, or feed at certain times to make your baby sleep longer and deeper. I’ve even seen people advise overfeeding your baby, which is doable if you formula feed like we do, in the hope of helping your baby sleep longer and deeper. But we know this could be dangerous.
In the end, I’m just desperate to do the right thing for Flo.
Hannah and I don’t have any grandparents or siblings to turn to for support which can be tricky. A support network like that would be invaluable. I’d advise people to definitely book in family or friends to support you with childcare where you can. Luckily, Hannah has lots of friends who are mothers, who can support and reassure us when we have questions.
When Flo first slept longer than normal, I was worried, but friends gave me peace of mind that this is normal. I would however like more guidance on how long babies should be sleeping at what ages; I couldn’t find a definitive answer for this online.
How did the sleep deprivation make you feel?
I’ve done a lot of hard things in my life, but sleep deprivation is definitely up there with one of the toughest things I’ve done. My wife and I did shifts, which I think is the only way parents can survive really. I was lucky that Hannah took leave off work , but we both found it tricky making these important decisions regarding safer sleep whilst sleep deprived.
Google is a double-edged sword. It’s extremely helpful but also full of misinformation. This is made even harder to navigate, since the time we tend to google most is during the night feed, when we are most tired. Simple, trustworthy information in moments like this would be a lifesaver.
We often hear of parents and carers developing innovative ways to practice safer sleep, even when bone-tired or out of routine. What tips do you have to stop yourself from falling asleep in less safe positions, such as on the sofa?
My tip for not falling asleep in less safe positions is, when you are very tired, do not lie down! I sit in a chair that’s comfortable enough for me to feed in, but not so comfortable that I’d fall asleep. That means recliner chairs are a no for me.
If you’re worried about falling asleep, try setting alarms on your phone at regular intervals. I also like to make sure I’m not too warm and cosy. If I’m ever so slightly cold, it prevents me from falling asleep. A bowl of sweets by your chair is also often the sugary kick I need to keep my eyes open. I wouldn’t advise caffeine though, as you want to be able to go to sleep easily when you eventually can!
I sometimes also like to sing to Flo. It sends her to sleep but keeps me awake – I can’t fall asleep while singing! Flo loves a song from ‘Dumbo’ that I sing whenever she’s upset.
Most important of all, live in the moment. You never know when will be the last time that they need you to comfort them in your arms. The struggles you are facing now are only temporary, so as much as you can, be present.
Were you tempted to buy products that aim to make your baby sleep longer, or more deeply?
Baby nests and bumpers seem so popular, which I think is really concerning. We don’t use any of these products with Flo because they don’t follow safer sleep guidelines, and can increase the risk of SIDS, which I’m terrified of.
If you could give one tip to other new/expectant parents, what would it be?
Batch cook food. It can be a lifesaver when you don’t have time, or are too tired to cook. You’ll thank yourself!
Useful information
Baby product information
We're here to help you make sense of what to look for in baby sleep products, empowering you to make decisions for your baby.
Statistics on SIDS
Since parents and carers have been following the risk reduction advice first promoted in the early 1990s, the number of infants dying has fallen significantly.
Baby sleep patterns
Parents and carers often worry about their babies’ sleep and might try tips or hacks to get them to sleep longer, but these can be dangerous. Learn more about what to expect and baby sleep patterns.
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