Tell me a bit about you
I work as a teacher, and am loving spending time with my little seven month old son Jonah. He is learning to crawl at the moment, but seems to be better going backwards than forwards. I have to keep an eye on him so he doesn’t reverse under the sofa!
Have you ever purchased a product that you later realised went against safer sleep guidance?
On Instagram and TikTok, I kept seeing people using pods – they looked a bit like a dog bed, but I was told online that these would be good for Jonah. I found that once I started engaging with a video, reading comments, and liking them, the apps kept showing me even more pods. I thought ‘everyone has a pod’, because they were all I was seeing. I was in an echo chamber. So I placed an order for a pod.
When I then spoke to my partner about it, he reminded me that pods don’t follow safer sleep advice. I felt so stupid in that moment. As a teacher, I’ve even taught PSHE lessons about not buying into all the ads you see online! I cancelled my order in the end before it was delivered. I was grateful that I was made aware of The Lullaby Trust’s advice by my midwife. It gave me clarity, and a single, trusted place to go to if I ever see similar ads again.
There’s no guarantee that just because a product is being sold, that it is safe to use. This is the case for so many different products. I once bought some fake make up online and ended up with an eye infection! But the consequences of buying unchecked baby products online seem so much more sinister.
Since it can be so overwhelming how many products there are, I find it helpful to take a screenshot of a product I’m interested in, and come back to it another time. I don’t buy it immediately. It gives me time to think things through and work out if they are a safer option or not. I’m particularly careful not to buy anything when I’m super tired doing a night feed. I tend to go on my phone to keep me awake but with a phone in your hand, you can literally buy anything!
What have your experiences been as a young mum?
I’m the first out of my friends to have a baby, so I don’t have a lot of people to turn to who can relate to me. I’ve got a lot of advice and support from my Gran who used to be a nurse. She told me to look for official, trusted channels like The Lullaby Trust.
Unfortunately, a lot of people have passed judgement on me, and asked inappropriate questions. When I was doing my PGCE, I was told to consider suspending my time on the course because I’d already taken too much sick leave (I had really bad morning sickness), and they suggested I wasn’t dedicated enough. People would also mention abortions, and suggest that I wasn’t prioritising my career. I didn’t welcome these comments at all.
Because of this perceptions people have of me, I sometimes feel worried to ask for help, because I get afraid people will perceive me badly or not as a great mum.
Was sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) something that you were worried about?
SIDS was something I really worried about. My Gran really instilled in me how important it is to do all you can to reduce the risk. I’m quite an anxious person anyway, so it worried me a lot.
My midwife told me about The Lullaby Trust when I was about 27 weeks pregnant, and it helped me with my anxiety. I felt like the more information I had, the less anxious I got, because I felt like I could do more about it.
Do you use The Lullaby Trust’s safer sleep guidance? If yes, which guidance did you find most useful?
I use The Lullaby Trust’s guidance a lot. Because I use social media, I find myself looking at pregnancy and baby videos a lot when I’m in bed. I find that the more I watch, the more stressed I get. There’s a lot of contrasting advice and it can be really overwhelming. To counter this, I look at The Lullaby Trust. They get my questions answered, but also provide me with other bits of guidance I hadn’t even thought of. I don’t have other mums around me and I feel a bit more alone with things, so The Lullaby Trust fills that gap for me.
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I sometimes send The Lullaby Trust’s guidance to my mum, because although she means well, she sometimes gets the safer sleep advice wrong. The website is a really helpful resource to show people.
Amy
How do you check a product that you buy, to be sure it is suitable for Jonah?
I would always check to see if a product has been recalled. I’ve also had some things given to me second-hand, including a high chair and a stroller. These were really helpful because I don’t have lots of savings to be able to buy these products new. I’m also just in the habit of buying things second hand with other things. I checked them carefully, because they had been in storage in a garage for a while.
Have you bought any baby products that have new technologies built-in, or any ‘smart’ devices?
I saw an ad for an app that logs how long your baby is asleep for. I suggested it to Henry, but we discussed how babies are so different, and all sleep for different amounts of time. The technology wouldn’t take this into account as it’s just going off ‘average’ sleep patterns. Logging sleep like this can feel like an extra test for parents, continuously reminding them that their baby isn’t sleeping, when it could be down to things out of your hands, like wind or teething.
If you could give one tip to other new/expectant parents, what would it be?
Don’t feel bad if there are things you don’t know or things you’ve got wrong. It’s easy to feel guilty if you’ve bought a product and then realised it wasn’t right. The fact you realised is good, and it’s better to know it now and move on.
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