My name is Charlotte and I am Delilah’s mum. Your support means the world to families like mine.
Delilah was a lively, curious little girl, so eager to learn about the world. I could tell she was outgoing by the way she would smile and try to entertain strangers, even at 6 months old. Delilah was like a little performer; she even learnt to dance by bending her knees, trying to jump.
It was the best gift becoming parents. Life went from mundane to full of light. Delilah gave us purpose. Motherhood came very naturally to me and I enjoyed every moment with her. She was my little best friend. Watching Joe become a father was a joy too. I have a video of him hiding down the side of the bed with Delilah crawling towards him, trying to find him. Her little laugh when daddy jumps out saying “boo” melts my heart. She was just becoming a little person; her character was really coming out.
Immediately after Delilah’s sudden death at just eight months old, I felt sick. I couldn’t eat. My world went from high-contrast colours to a dreary grey. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive and I was terrified that it had been my fault: the guilt was unbearable. I thought I was in a bad dream and I couldn’t let the reality settle in that I would never spend a moment with her again. It’s still raw, we both miss her so much. I look at children her age to try and imagine what she would be like. I try to picture her as a big sister to Daphne, our rainbow baby.
We have built our garden in memory of Delilah and planted an apple tree that fruits around her birthday. We hope to teach Daphne about her beautiful big sister by picking the apples and making an apple crumble together on Delilah’s birthday each year. Even though Daphne has been a little miracle and has really brought light to our lives, life will never be simple again. It’s now full of bittersweet moments where I am so thankful for Daphne, but so hurt that Delilah isn’t here.
Following Delilah’s death, The Lullaby Trust were immediately there for us. We used their bereavement support helpline initially and then the Befriender scheme. Speaking to a Bereavement Support Adviser on the helpline helped me to understand that Delilah’s death was sudden and unexpected. It wasn’t something I had done, even though the guilt I felt had been completely normal. I also felt guilty for wanting to have another baby straight away, but my Befriender reassured me that this was a totally understandable reaction, as she felt the same following her son’s death.
Knowing that The Lullaby Trust were there to listen and comfort was invaluable. So thank you for helping to ensure that The Lullaby Trust can continue to be there for families like mine. And thank you for helping to change the future for babies like Delilah.
