After my first daughter passed away, I didn’t really want to accept the help. But then when my second child passed away, I just thought that it was necessary to try to get help. I had a befriender, somebody who would phone me every week at a certain time, who’d also lost a child as well in the same sort of way as I did. In general, you can just ring The Lullaby Trust and they are really friendly – you can just talk to them about anything, and they’re not going to judge you.
I’ve got severe anxiety and PTSD from what I’ve experienced in the past few years; I’m just worried constantly and I have numerous hospital visits every week. I think it has made me more aware to look into safer sleep. All these risk factors can contribute to events happening so it’s just better to know everything you can.
Following safer sleep advice is challenging for families in temporary accommodation if they’ve got a really small space. Plus, in some places there can be people who abuse drugs and alcohol and that’s not safe – I don’t think it’s fair that people should be put in to those sort of situations with their children.
My experience in temporary accommodation in the past was not good. Where I am now it’s possible to create a safer sleep space but where I was previously it was not possible at all. I literally just had one room – It was hard enough for me and my partner to be in it, let alone a baby as well. Now I’m pregnant again, I was trying to express to the council my worries around that. The room was really small and I was saying that it didn’t comply with safer sleep advice as, if I did have a cot there, it would have had to go next to a radiator or window, which is not safe. I just felt like I could never get through to the right person and like no one was really listening to me.
It’s such a big issue that isn’t really spoken about so I think they should take that more seriously. It was just really hard, because obviously you want to prepare for your baby, but you can’t get everything in the space that you’re in. I have recently been moved since then to a bigger temporary accommodation. But still, you’d rather have your own home to take that stress away from bringing up your child.
I think projects like The Lullaby Trust’s Bedtime Bundles are important because some people may not be able to afford to provide a safer sleep space for their baby. Or they might not actually have the knowledge about safer sleep. We don’t actually know what causes babies to die of SIDS sometimes, like with my daughter, but you can try to do everything you can to prevent it as much as possible.
Our Bereavement Support Helpline
If you would like the opportunity to talk freely, for as long as required, with a sympathetic and understanding listener please call our bereavement support helpline on 0808 802 6868 or email support@lullabytrust.org.uk.
