Seeing those two blue lines on my pregnancy test on the 11th Aug 2019 was a feeling I will never forget. I knew from the start I was having a baby boy … mother’s instinct I guess.
In November 2019 my dad was diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer, we were all told he only had a few months left with us. Radley was my dad’s miracle grandson that gave him a purpose to fight and prove the doctors wrong. Radley’s due date got closer and closer and my dad carried on fighting his battles so he could meet his grandson.
On Tuesday 15th April 2020 (due date) my 7Ibs 9oz baby boy Radley Mark-Lee Morley was born. Radley was born with a head full of dark hair (maybe that explained all the terrible heartburn). The greatest day of both mine and my husband’s lives. Radley was everything we wished for and perfect in every single way.
Radley grew bigger and bigger each week and so did his cheeky big smile. Both mine and my husband’s families were desperate to meet Radley, but of course we were in lockdown with the global pandemic so they didn’t meet him as a newborn. As the weeks passed my family finally got the chance to meet Radley, my dad called Radley ‘his boy’. I personally believe my son gave my dad a purpose to keep flighting and not give up.
Radley was a healthy, happy, smiley, cheeky, advanced and content baby During his three months with us he only cried three times, even then it wasn’t for long as mummy’s cuddle soon sorted him. Myself, my husband and Radley used to always go on nice long walks with our two dogs. Radley loved being out in the fresh air and watching the world go by, not that he actually understood but he’d always be smiling and looking around when we were walking. I’m adamant he would have been an outdoor little boy if he had the chance to grow up and stay with his mummy and daddy.
On 17th July lockdown restrictions were slightly eased, therefore we decided to go on a family holiday to the Lake District for my dad’s birthday. The weekend started out brilliant, the family all together and enjoy quality time together. On the 19th July me, my husband and Radley were supposed to travel back home. However, in the early hours of the 19th I woke up and checked the time, it was 05:10. I instantly said to myself ‘I better feed Radley, just so we can get another feed in before hitting the road’. As I got out of bed I looked at Radley… something just didn’t seem right. I touched him and he just stayed still, he was very pale and looked as if his forehead was bruised. I instantly knew what had happened. I cried and screamed. My husband tried resuscitating Radley while we waited on the ambulance and paramedics. The paramedic ran up the stairs and grabbed Radley from my husband and ran back to the ambulance. I ran after him and begged for them to save my precious baby boy, they cut his baby grow off and just looked at me and said ‘I’m sorry, it’s too late’.
We had to be interviewed by the police of Cumbria. They had to take statements from all adults in the household. It was terrible and absolutely heartbreaking that we had to keep explaining what had happened. Me, my husband and family didn’t understand.
They took a lot of Radley’s belongings to make sure they was baby/red kite safe. They even took formula and dirty nappies.
A day later Radley was transferred to the children’s hospital in Liverpool as that was the nearest hospital that could do a post-mortem. No cause of death was found. They also did a COVID test and took tissue samples to see if there was any underlying health issues. Again, nothing was found and Radley’s COVID test also come back negative.
From then onwards both myself and my husband will forever have a missing piece from our hearts. I had always said Radley was going to be a heart breaker, I just didn’t think it would ever be mine and his daddy’s heart. Some of our family got to meet Radley and some didn’t due to this crazy world we live in, however they will all carry him in their hearts.
Our Radley Roo will forever remain in our hearts and thoughts. But for now we remember his precious memories until we meet again.
Most people only dream of angels, we held one in our arms.
If you have experienced infant loss and want to share your story, click here.