My first daughter Madaline was born 26 September 2014. She was perfect and healthy.
But on 22 October, only a few weeks later, at 5.30am in the morning, I woke to the sound of my ex partner screaming for me to call an ambulance.
The emergency services arrived but they couldn’t save Madaline. They said it was an unexplained death.
In January 2015 I found out I was pregnant again. Shocked and scared I did a lot of research and found out about The Lullaby Trust’s CONI programme online.
I got in touch and was pointed in the direction of my local CONI lead. CONI wasn’t very well known in my local area at the time and a lot of people asked me what it was and why I was on it. There needs to be more awareness because it is so helpful and put me at ease, especially the weekly visits.
I was given The Lullaby Trust’s safer sleep for babies booklets which were really helpful and put my mind at ease when my second baby arrived.
As a bereaved mum I think it’s very important that all families know the safest ways to sleep their baby. This knowledge can help parents stop worrying that something will happen to their baby in the night. Having access to safer sleep information definitely helped me sleep a little bit better.
My other children are one and four years old now and getting on very well. My four year old is at the age where he is asking more and I struggle to know how to answer him.
We go to visit Madaline at the cemetery, we bring her flowers and I have lots of pictures of her up around the house.
If you have experienced infant loss and want to share your story, click here.