I was 17 when I fell pregnant with Ruby-Leigh. My relationship with her dad was unstable and I was still in foster care at the time. I’d been in care from the age of seven. I hadn’t had the best start to life; I never really knew my mum so having my own little family meant everything to me.
The pregnancy was difficult and there were a few scares along the way, but on 16th October 2014 I gave birth to my precious little girl.
She was tiny – 3lbs 14oz – but she was perfect. I remember sitting by the side of the incubator all night, watching her sucking her little thumb. I couldn’t believe she was here and that she was okay.
Then my world came crashing down a month later when I woke up to find my girl not breathing. I phoned an ambulance and was told how to perform CPR on my tiny baby. Within minutes I was in the back of an ambulance on the way to hospital.
Alarms were going off in A&E. Ruby was rushed to be resuscitated. It felt like 1,000 doctors were handling her at once. I wanted to follow them, but was asked to wait outside. When I saw the doctors leaving the room I just knew. Ruby had died.
I was all on my own at the hospital. I was heartbroken and just wanted her back. I asked to hold my baby and we were put into a room together. She had wires through her nose and a cannula in her hand. I had pictures taken of me holding Ruby for the very last time and the hospital took her hand and foot prints. Ten hours later they told me I had to take Ruby to the chapel of rest, but I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t leave her on her own, I just couldn’t.
Ruby’s post-mortem stated she was a perfectly healthy and well-nourished child. The cause of death was SIDS. I wish SIDS was spoken about more openly so people are aware of the importance of safer sleeping for babies.
If you have experienced infant loss and want to share your story, click here.
