Leah’s story
Leah lives in Hertfordshire with her partner Josh, and her eight month-old son George. George was born prematurely, and The Lullaby Trust’s guidance helped her to care for him and keep him safe.
Tell me a bit about you
I love going to the gym and keeping fit. I prefer to be outdoors, especially as I live in such a lovely part of the world. I also love baking and cooking. Now I’ve got Faith, my focus is mostly on her. We struggled to pick a girl’s name at first but when I suggested ‘Faith’ to Stephen, it just clicked.
I work in HR supporting sites across the UK, so I have quite a lot of responsibility professionally. I thought I’d take to parenting like a duck to water, but I found the first seven months incredibly difficult. I ended up barely sleeping. I was an anxious mum, always worried about doing the right thing and keeping Faith safe.
Would you tell me more about what your pregnancy was like, and how you felt when Faith was born?
In general, my pregnancy went well. I was quite lucky, I didn’t have morning sickness or anything. In my 41 week check up they told me it was time to have the baby, which I was happy about as I was very fed up with being pregnant at this point!
I didn’t think I’d be an anxious mum at all. I’m not anxious in the rest of life. Professionally I’m not an anxious person at all. I very much feel like I’m winging it as a first-time mum! I’ve read up all about safer sleep on The Lullaby Trust’s website, so I slept her in the same room as us, on her back with her feet towards the foot of the cot, in a clear sleep space. Despite doing everything I could, there was still a voice in my head that said ‘you need to check her’ all the time. I couldn’t tell you why. It wasn’t rational and every time I checked her, she was fine. I was just constantly worried, thinking is she the right temperature? Is she sleeping ok? Has she gained enough weight?
Tell me a bit about your experience of sleep deprivation
It was tough, but I constantly reminded myself that it wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t Faith’s fault. I just took every bit of help and support that was offered. The advice to ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ is just not realistic though, as the rest of the world has to spin! I reminded myself that it was temporary – now she sleeps for ten hours at night!
When I was in the thick of it though, I was so tired and delirious, and it fed into my anxiety. It felt like a perpetual cycle. I was definitely paranoid about SIDS. At the time I thought that I was the only person that could look after her and I wanted to be in control. When Faith was just over five months, my mum decided to take me to the doctor, because I was really struggling to cope.
How did The Lullaby Trust support you?
On social media, there are so many sleep products advertised, such as sleep nests, that just aren’t safe. I also found it confusing at first to know what to dress her in during the heatwave. I would always look to The Lullaby Trust for answers and to cut through the noise. I sent any information I found onto Stephen. That way, I knew that if something happened to Faith, at least we’d done everything we could to protect her.
When I was in the trenches, I found it really helpful reading other peoples’ stories. They gave me a glimmer of hope and made me feel like I wasn’t alone. All parents and carers may be different, but we have similar thoughts and struggles.
-
I am a strong, capable woman, yet I still felt lost, afraid and anxious in the depths of motherhood. I want everyone to know that’s okay and there are resources out there to help. I’d like to remind parents that there is light at the end of the tunnel even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Helen
Discover more
Sleep deprivation
Coping with sleep deprivation as a new parent or carer can be tough. Your baby will probably wake up often and it can be hard to stay awake to keep them safe. You’re not alone.
Baby sleep patterns
Parents and carers often worry about their babies’ sleep and might try tips or hacks to get them to sleep longer, but these can be dangerous. Learn more about what to expect and baby sleep patterns.
Mattresses and bedding
With so many products on the market, it can be tricky to choose which mattress and bedding to buy for your baby. Here you’ll find your essential guide to choosing baby bedding you’re confident with.
You can support people like Helen
Donate today and your kindness will empower families with trusted and life-saving baby safety advice, as well as providing a supportive space for anyone who has experienced the the sudden or unexpected death of a baby or infant.