Par CONI programmu
The Care of Next Infant (CONI) programme supports bereaved families before and after the birth of their new baby, giving hundreds of families peace of mind and support.
Tell us about your family
I’m an NHS dentist and Vishal is a hospital doctor, and we live in West Yorkshire with our one-year-old, Lara. Lara is the first grandchild on Vishal’s side, and the first granddaughter on mine. Lara is a little pocket rocket – always on the move and just full of character. She loves music, food and she always makes us smile.
What about the family you grew up with?
I’m the youngest of four sisters. I’ve always known about my brother Jagdeep, who passed away of cot death (SIDS) in 1985 when he was two months old. In 1985, there wasn’t much awareness about cot death. When Jagdeep passed, my parents were bewildered and it was very painful for them, so we didn’t talk about Jagdeep much. In our culture, particularly in the 80s, there can be extra pressure to have a boy and after three girls, he must’ve been so precious.
Because I was born after Jagdeep passed and I was the youngest, I feel as though I was shielded from a lot of the grief. Once, I came across his death certificate and I was filled with emotion. He was their son, their boy. He was my older brother and I just wish he was still here.
How did you feel when you were pregnant with Lara?
When I was pregnant with Lara, our health visitor told us about The Lullaby Trust’s Care of Next Infant (CONI) scheme. The health visitor explained that families who have experienced a sudden or unexpected loss of a baby or young child, can receive extra support. The health visitor had explained that the risk of SIDS is very small, but that there is a higher risk of SIDS if a sibling had passed of SIDS.
I hadn’t realised I’d be eligible for the extra support since Jagdeep was my brother, not my child. At first, Vishal and I weren’t sure if being on the CONI scheme would make me more anxious but we decided to try it. From the start, it was led by us and we knew if we wanted to, we could stop at any time.
How did you feel when Lara was born?
It was only when Lara was born that the anxiety around SIDS really kicked in. I would worry when Lara slept and watch her to check for her chest rising and falling. I was particularly worried when we’d visit family and their houses were very warm, as I worried about Lara falling asleep and overheating. Those around us would sometimes suggest things that helped them too, like adding extra layers, and even just talking about it would upset me as I knew it could increase the risk.
How did CONI help you?
As part of the CONI scheme, we were given extra visits from our health visitor and multiple appointments with the paediatric consultant at our local hospital, which was all very reassuring. They would check Lara’s weight at each visit to ensure she was growing well. They would also provide really useful advice regarding safer sleeping.
On the CONI scheme, we didn’t use a movement monitor because we felt it would heighten anxiety. But the other additional aids provided such as the baby check tools and a passport to priority access to a GP or hospital staff should we have any concern regarding Lara’s health, were all so valuable.
-
It’s sad that CONI isn’t available everywhere, and it’s not extended to bereaved siblings in all areas. It should be taken up in all areas and that’s one of the reasons I want to share our story, to help other families, as I feel very lucky that we had CONI.
Harpal
CONI isn't available everywhere
We believe every bereaved family deserves access to this specialist support, wherever they live. That’s why we need your help.
Discover more
Mark’s story
Mark is one of our incredible London Marathon runners. He lives in Leiston with his fiancée May, and his 11-month-old son, Malyn.
Kā atbalstīt mīļoto
Bereaved families share examples of something that someone said or did that helped them after their baby died.
Bērnu monitori
Choosing a baby monitor can be confusing as there are so many different types on the market. If you decide to buy one, this page will help you pick what's right for you and your baby.
You can support people like Harpal
Donate today and your kindness will empower families with trusted and life-saving baby safety advice, as well as providing a supportive space for anyone who has experienced the the sudden or unexpected death of a baby or infant.